I’m lying in bed after stopping halfway through cleaning my room because I got tired, which means all my clothes, sheets, and pillows are on my floor and my room looks worse than when I started, and I see on Facebook that a girl from my high school class is engaged to a good-looking guy with tattoos and seriously? Meanwhile I still have a Where the Wild Things Are poster in my bedroom and I rent a room from a single mom and her daughter and I’m an Administrative Assistant and I’m wearing an oversize flannel but it doesn’t look cute it just makes me look obese (Rant within a rant: how does every girl look adorable when she wears her boyfriend’s clothes, but when I wear my boyfriend’s clothes I look like I weigh 3,000 pounds and he agrees). Not to mention last night I got home from work at 7 and instead of partying I went to Ralph’s in my ugly pajamas and bought microwave popcorn and cheesy ricecakes and hot chocolate and ate it in bed until I fell asleep. So this girl is getting married while I still sleep in until 11 and I still sometimes eat mini Snickers for breakfast because I convince myself that 5 mini Snickers are less calories than a regular size Snickers and I still have acne and I still haven’t lost my baby fat and I still listen to Taylor Swift’s latest albums on repeat and I still feel like I don’t really have close friends and isn’t that what we’re supposed to feel like in our 20s? But instead my high school class is put-together and beautiful and engaged and I think this is what an early-life crisis feels like.
A Rant Spawned By the Engagement of a High School Classmate