I Experienced the Worst-Case-Scenario Blowjob

I was giving my (non-current) boyfriend a blowjob. The facts are these: I have a very sensitive gag reflex (not as bad as my sister who will gag violently if she sees a sock close to someone’s mouth because she can’t stop thinking about the feeling of sock material on teeth). I also hate blowjobs (well, who really loves giving blowjobs). Specifically, I hate the feeling of something blocking my esophagus, I hate the weird noises that make me sound like a mentally challenged vacuum, and I hate the saliva. All the saliva. But, if I’m really into a guy, I like doing stuff for him and blowjobs seem to do the trick. This particular night, I think I was trying to get my boyfriend to do something and therefore precedented it with a blowjob to persuade him in my direction (this is how feminism works, right?).

So we’re on the bed, I’m giving him a blowjob, and everything is going as fine and dandy as it can be while a dick’s in your mouth. He’s getting super into it because apparently the world turns into butterflies and unicorns and rainbows when your private parts are in someone’s mouth, when, all of sudden…he peed a little. In my mouth. The place where I eat things and home to all my precious taste buds. I jumped backwards and, in my surprise, I swallowed. I swallowed the pee. It took a half-second to process what had happened before the intense gagging began. I shit you not, I’m gagging thinking about it right now. In that moment, my brain zeroed in on one thought and wouldn’t let it go: JESUS CHRIST I just swallowed pee. I ingested someone else’s urine. Ex-Boyfriend is all like, “What?! What happened?” because apparently guys can’t tell when they pee in a girl’s mouth?! In ideal Carly world, this is what I would’ve said: “Holy shit, you just peed in my mouth! Go get me a toothbrush, toothpaste, gallons of mouthwash, and you owe me a month straight of going down on me while simultaneously massaging my feet.” In real Carly world, this is what I did: *gags vehemently* “Oh, sorry, it’s nothing. I just need to get some water.” If you hate me by this point, I don’t blame you. I hate me too. I just really didn’t want to embarrass him. I mean, I didn’t know if we could come back from that. That’s like, a dealbreaker for sure.

I jumped out of bed and drank all the water I could, taking breaks only to alternate between breathing and gagging. When I returned, a changed person, he stared at me. “So…” He was lying on my bed naked, implying the obvious. And then I finished the job I started because I’m not a quitter. Well, at least I’m now confident that if I were ever stranded without water, I could drink my own pee and not die.

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6 thoughts on “I Experienced the Worst-Case-Scenario Blowjob

  1. laugraeva says:

    Oh my God.

  2. OMG GROSS!

    (btw… put a warning on this thing not to be eating lunch while reading. I choked twice laughing so hard. And I’m laughing because you know how to tell a story, not at what happened. )

  3. Maybe the chick staring off into space was just turning her brain off for a minute. I tend to do that, though I’m a blonde so… take that for what you want. 🙂

  4. Spiff E. says:

    If he were semi-erect then there’s a possibility that it may have been pee. However it’s very difficult (near impossible) and even painful to pee when fully erect. There’s also the possibility that it could have been a small amount of pre-cum from arousal or even a minor orgasm which produces a small amount of liquid but no semen.

    Either way, I’m sure it was suprising and unexpected… in your mouth.

    Buy Crest White-Strips! For a cleaner, healthier smile!

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